Parenting – from the birth of a child we look for milestones to give praise (first smile, firm grip of parents’ finger, etc.) and discipline comes along shortly thereafter – initially for safety (stay away from electric outlets, cords, etc.). But once your child is a toddler and understands what is being said to him/her, mindless praise like “Good Boy” can become meaningless – Be specific – What did he do that was good? In my home we try to say “Thank you for helping put away the toys”, “Look how happy you made your sister by playing nicely with her”, “You should be proud of yourself for remembering to wash your hands before dinner”, and “That’s great that you shared your treat when your sister saw you with a snack.”
Once an infant is mobile – starts crawling & getting into things, rather than always using the word “NO” (come on, who wants to hear the word no all the time), my wife and I felt “Stop”, “Be Careful” or “That’s dangerous” worked well and provided the same message.
When it come to having our 19-month-old and 5-year-old girls stick to a schedule or complete one thing before moving on to another, we found “First X, then Y” to be very effective. “First put away the dress-up clothes, then you can play a board game.” “First take a bath, then you can read books.” “First help clear the dining table, then we can have dessert.” This keeps it simple and clearly states what’s expected and in what order. If it’s an extremely unruly day, we have to step it up a notch – “If you are not done cleaning up your art table within the next 10 minutes, we will not have time for a bike ride before dinner.” This higher level statement tells your child what is expected, in what time frame and what they will possibly be giving up & why. When giving a time limit, if your child knows how tell time on a clock it’s helpful to state the time deadline (4:45pm). If they do not know how to tell time on a clock, set a timer on your cell phone and give a 2-5 minute warning.
Along the lines of this parenting topic, below is an article from Parents.Com with some more helpful tips. What works for you? Please share by leaving a comment! Thanks!
Discipline Tactics For Every Age
Who? Birth and up
Why? Discipline won’t work if the only time you focus on your child is when he’s acting up. Children crave recognition from their parents, and, although positive attention is ideal, they’ll take what they can get–even if that means an angry reaction to the whack they just gave their little brother. Barbara Stefanacci, a mother of two from Clifton, New Jersey, recognizes that her children’s tantrums are a cry for attention: “They’re close in age and always competing with each other.” So how does she handle this rivalry? “I talk to them. If that doesn’t work, I give them a huge hug, which usually puts them back in a good mood.”
How? Try to “catch” children being good. It’s as simple as thanking your son for picking the toy trucks off the floor (never mind that he’s the reason they’re there in the first place) or for sharing his toys with his sister. It’s important to be specific when offering praise. Phrases like “good boy” don’t encourage a behavior–they’ll make your child think that he (and not his action) is either good or bad, rather than teaching him that sharing, for example, is the practice that makes you proud.
Who? 6 to 24 months
Why? The word “no” becomes more common when babies start crawling and can get into things previously out of their reach. While their behavior may be irksome, kids are just indulging their natural curiosity.
How? When you catch your baby reaching for a lamp cord, get her attention by calling her name or making a funny sound. Offer her a more acceptable toy, explaining, “Let’s play with these blocks rather than that cord–I wouldn’t want the lamp to fall and hurt you.” While most children this age aren’t able to remember rules, they are easily distracted.
Who? 6 months and up
Why? Power struggles and meltdowns over bedtime and cleaning up are common with toddlers. With consistent routines, children are more likely to feel they have control over what happens to them, which can help to reduce outbursts.
Although it may be hard to believe when your kid refuses to forgo playing with her new toy and take a bath, children do take comfort in being able to predict, it’s bathtime now, which means that bedtime must be coming soon. Routines provide a sense of security, and it’s your job as a parent to provide these feelings of safety and love.
How? Routines, and the rules that come with them, vary from household to household, but the trick here is to make sure you set limits you know you’ll follow through on, such as a 7 p.m. bedtime or always washing your hands before eating. Otherwise, kids become what Lynn Lott, coauthor of Positive Discipline A-Z, calls parent deaf: When parents give an order, children tune out the instructions because the rules haven’t been enforced in the past and therefore probably won’t be enforced this time.
Who? 24 months and up
Why? At this age children are beginning to grasp the difference between right and wrong. By giving your child a reason for your instruction, you’re allowing her to understand why one behavior is better than another, which “sets kids up for being able to handle similar decisions on their own in the future,” Lott explains.
How? Instead of always telling a child what not to do, explain to her what you’d like her to do, then follow up with specifics. For instance, if you see your daughter starting to scrawl a masterpiece on your wall, resist the urge to yell, “No!” while yanking the crayon out of her hand. Explain that although coloring is a great idea, you shouldn’t do it on walls. Let her know that in the future, she needs to do all her coloring on paper.
Who? 24 months and up
Why? “Time-outs are a way of breaking the behavior cycle,” says T. Berry Brazelton, coauthor of Discipline: The Brazelton Way. They not only allow your child time to calm down, but they offer a minute of relief for you as well.
How? Time-outs are just a break from the tension of the moment, so they shouldn’t last more than a couple of minutes, or until the child has calmed down, even if it takes only 30 seconds. Lead him to a chair away from toys. Explain that he needs to stay there until he can calm down. When he’s ready to talk, tell him why you think he was misbehaving (e.g., “You were mad because Tommy took your toy”). This will help him recognize and deal with his feelings. Once the air is cleared, offer him a hug so he knows you were unhappy with his behavior, not with him. “This is the time to show your child that he can be in the wrong and still be forgiven, respected, and loved,” adds Elizabeth Pantley, author of The No-Cry Discipline Solution.
Tantrums are a toddler’s way of voicing frustration. When Kristine Mancusi, a mother from Wallington, New Jersey, senses a tantrum coming on, her tactic is simple: “I wait a few seconds, take a deep breath, and let my son go with it.” Intense emotions are a natural part of life, so allow your child the chance to be angry. Let her know that you’re ready to talk once she’s calmed down–and do talk to her. You may be happy to get past the fit, but if you discuss the reasons behind the fireworks, you’ll help avoid a similar scene in the future.
Copyright © 2009 Meredith Corporation.
http://www.parents.comBringing together the power of respected magazine brands including American Baby and Parents, the Parents Network is your go-to destination for parenting information. From first kicks to first steps and on to the first day of school, we are here to help you celebrate the joys and navigate the challenges of parenthood.
- Toddler Discipline: Effective and Appropriate Tactics (webmd.com)
- 20 Commandments of Toddler Discipline (declutterorganizerepurpose.wordpress.com)
- “Positive” discipline – what is that? Why is it needed? For what? (karin15cs.wordpress.com)
- 8 Ways to be a Better Parent (declutterorganizerepurpose.wordpress.com)
- Preschoolers: Tips for Discipline and Manners (webmd.com)
- Principles of Positive Discipline (centerforchildrenandfamiliesblog.com)